Today was a bit of a rampage. I rose early and had to leave my dirty hotel room to collect the constructed but glass-less window and hopefully get it to the municipality in time to get someone on the job of finishing it. I was successful in a sense. A municipality member was sent to town to buy glass to my measurements, and I was given plywood to finish lining my roof as well as the young carpenter who constructed my window to help me nail down the last of the roofing. We worked all morning amidst phone calls from The Peace Corps calling to make sure progress was being made and to inform me of other meetings. Overwhelm overtook me.
The idea moving into my host family's house began to shift to reality and the thoughts of moving from one challenging living situation to another possibly more challenging one brought me a flood of emotions I had to sleep off with a nap. My host mother will be returning from the distant hospital this week. I will meet this woman I will be living with for the next two years of my life within the next few days. She will surely change the dynamics that I am just now getting accustomed to within my host family. Just about any and all privacy is going to vanish sharing this small space with this family who lives in a culture where I truly don't think they know the meaning of the word, personal. And, on top of all of that it is time to begin my work. I am asked daily if not twice a day when I am going to start teaching, to which I reply, "Once my roof is built and I am moved in."
I have had much confidence that once I feel more settled and out of limbo that I can start devoting serious time to the curriculum that is coming together slowly. But now, I start to fear it. The more I look at it and design specific days and activities the more real it all becomes and the "what ifs" start to squeeze their way through my neurons. It is like all the nervousness and excitement of joining the Peace Corps and moving to site is happening all over again, but without the excitement part.
Above everything else, I am hungry; which might have contributed to my grumpiness. It isn't that there isn't food here, I guess I have unconsciously chosen hunger over the constipation that rice and potatoes leads to or the diarrhea unsanitary food preparation leads to.
Today should be a day to rejoice. Serious progress was made and the room, my room, it is almost finished. Soon I will have a stove I can cook my own warm meals on and a family to watch over me. Perhaps those two perks will make all the difference in the world and I will be back to my positive, motivated self.
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