27 Febrero 2011

It's not the load that breaks you down,

It's the way you carry it.

-Linda Horn

26 Febrero 2011

The anniversary celebration in Arequipa seemed to go well last night. Small, but well.

The whole time I felt like I was somewhere else. My usual busy-body didn't really know what to do with herself.

My mind and my heart are all over the place.

22 Febrero 2011

So I am singing the United States National Anthem for the PC anniversary party in Arequipa Peru and I looked up the lyrics to make sure I had it all straight (hey, give me a break, don't speak English much, let alone the colonial style our anthem is written in).

Did you know our anthem has four verses?!

Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thru the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream:
Tis the star-spangled banner: O, long may it wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O, thus be it ever when freemen shall stand,
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n-rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust"
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

21 Febrero 2011

I hit a little bit of a downward spiral and decided it wasn't best to write for a few days.

A lot of the frustrations of my job came flying at me all at once. Eg, limited ability to control my life and my work, inability to plan due to irresponsibility from others, coworkers pulling out of comitments at the last minute, etc. And through all of it, I got sick and my boyfriend and I decided to pick fights with one another. It was a good couple weeks of "mierda".

The good news is I strong-armed a coworker into following through on her commitments, gave myself a break on the plans I had as being able to complete them were out of my control, and did a lot of yoga, meditating, and working out. My body is actually starting to look like an athlete again! No more skin and bones lulu.

A presentation another PCV and I gave last week received great results. The plan is a nutrition program where a chef, my buddy John and I travel to different towns in the canyon and give a short lecture on nutrition and then teach them how to cook some well balanced recipes. We presented to the Rotary club and not only do they love the idea, they want to make it bigger. I love their high hopes and positive attitudes. I have not allowed myself to get over excited and the other volunteers and I decided that we should start with the 9 towns and project originally planned for, then, we can tweak it and begin to look at expansion. My biggest fear is that they will talk forever about making the project bigger ad bigger and we will never actually DO anything. So, the rotary is fund raising for the nutrition lectures as we speak, and our project is ready to hit the road whenever they hand us a check. This is very good news.

Meanwhile, my curriculum continues to develop. I am in the third and final section (the self: exploring the body and mind) and it feels oh so good to be wrapping it up. The biggest hold up is myself. I keep doing more and more research and communicating with more and more professors and graduate students all over the United States and Europe in an attempt to make sure that the methods I am using are the best we know of.

Another meanwhile, my study on play and language learning continues at The University of Texas Child Development Laboratory. We now have enough subjects to start looking at the preliminary stats. It looks like we just might prove that teaching kids words through play instead of in lecure/flashcard form works better for long term remembering. SUPER exciting. I just wish I could be there, but the Research Assistants are doing a FABULOUS job handling the study on their own with me on the other side of the world. Thank you a thousand times Jenny, Danny, and Trish! This study having such a good preliminary TTEST gives me a big something to look forward to returning to the US and fills my empty gaze off into the sunset.

Soon, it is 50th Anniversary Peace Corps party time. First in Arequipa, then Lima I will be formally celebrating with my coworkers, NGO workers, and government official folks in fancy dresses. I am not sure if the "parties" will be boring beyond comprehension or slightly enjoyable. I am hoping for at least slightly enjoyable at a dry formal ceremony with Limeneans.

17 Febrero 2011

Changing focus from my organs to my limbs.

Some inspirational words from good friends

"take the fire out of your heart and put it in your hands. It warms the clay you mold and makes it more malleable."

"When you hold a coin tight in your fist it occupies your energy and tires your muscles. If you just lift your hands to the heavens and open your palm the coin will not fall, but lay in it's place in your open palm."

15 Febrero 2011

Intestinal bacteria #3 conquered!

Meetings have been rescheduled and I am up and running again.

Every time I get a little sick the homesickness kicks in a little. Not for The States, but for you, my family and friends. Take care of yourselves! Please! I love you

parasitic intestinal bacteria has gotten me again (take three).

I have been in bed the past couple days, in Arequipa (thank the lord). Cesar is taking good care of me, and i am already starting to feel on the upside of the curve. Now, I just need to convince my stomach it is capable of ingesting foods without expelling them violently.

8 Febrero 2011

Roxana’s birthday present from her parents and brother was a trip to Arequipa and they asked that I go with her, which works out perfectly as I have a presentation there in a couple days. We planned our day today so we could milk the cows, pick some avas, and feed the donkeys before the comvi left town at 4pm-ish. It was an exciting day together in a race against mama cow, the rain, and time.

Some photos of the, yours truly, geek in the chacra…

Unfortunately, the rain rolled in over the canyon at about 2pm and it is 10pm and it hasn’t stopped yet. Rain=no cars. We will try to head for Arequipa in the morning instead.

7 Febrero 2011

Things are looking up:

I made alpaca nachos last night to watch the Super Bowl with other volunteers, fun AND yummy!

Again, I went to catch the 4am comvi (not bus, far more uncomfortable) and this time it came. Happy, I am back at site with the water filter PC sent me (yay! No more brown drinking water. Now we catch rainwater from the roof and this pretty little stone filter detoxes it!) Today I get to do laundry and when I am done the whites might actually be cleaner than when they went in!

The Rotary Club of Arequipa is interested in funding the nutricion lectures we had planned for this month but had to postpone due to lack of funding, so my good friend and fellow volunteer John and I are headed to Arequipa tomorrow to present.

Since I am headed to Arequipa, I get to have a much needed visit with my loving enamorado.

And, to top it off, today is my beautiful now 14-year-old host sister’s birthday. For some strange reason I thought the celebration would be similar to my host father’s birthday. Instead of herbs, alpaca bones, and Earth offerings, there were about 20 adolescents in the house dressed to the colca nines dancing to the hottest hits on the radio. It was strange and fun to be dancing around like a fool with my students, but we all had fun and I hope it builds confidence in them for me.

I have to admit, tonight was the first time I saw Roxanna as a young woman. Sounds silly and cliché, but she didn’t wear her traditional hat tonight, and she put on a nice shirt under a pleated jacket. She really looked lovely. She has always been the most responsible 13-year-old I have ever met, but tonight, she was a young woman, looking her best, and greeting guests with a grace I rarely see in the heavily traditional woman here. Their strength always outweighs any elegance they might contain in their hard lives. But on her birthday this evening, Roxana carried a poise that sparkled in this rainy canyon night.

Happy Birthday, Dearest Roxana.

6 Febrero 2011

There is a transportation strike, and I am trapped in Chivay, unable to get back to my site.

Last night I went to catch the only bus I was told was running at 4 am and it never came. After an emotionally exhausting week (we had to turn away 10-30 patients every day) I am forced to sleep in a freezing cold, uncomfortable hostal. This morning was supposed to be my big community diagnostic presentation to the Madrigal municipality, but instead I am twiddling my thumbs 2 ½ hours away from my site.

I am literally losing my shit. I have so much to do before the school year starts again and I am 5 hours away from internet and communication in one direction, and 2 ½ hours away from my people. If I could just get to one of those two places I could be productive, but no, instead I carry around a backpack full of dirty clothes. Wait, what? Dirty clothes? Yes. Very dirty clothes. Because 1) I have been traveling for a week 2)it is the rainy season and if I did wash them they would take days to try and 3)I only own about a week’s worth of clothes I carry around a backpack of dirty clothes. As if not being able to bathe isn’t enough.

Tim is going to the hot springs. I am going. I am going to relax. I am going to love it. Fix me oh glorious volcanic waters.

5 Febrero 2011

The dentist campaign has come to a close!

Over 200 people served in the canyon. It was a beautifully smooth week for the dentists. Special thank you to Doctor Tom, Belinda, Melissa, and Donna from the United States. Thank you for taking such a leap out of your comfort zone and donating your time and resources to my neighbors, family, and friends.

I will let the photos speak for themselves…

Roxana came in while the campaign was in Madrigal. I talked her through what was going to happen because they needed to fill one tooth and pull another. Her frightened eyes did all the talking as she nodded, “I am going to go back to the other dentist and translate unless you need me.” She just stares. “Would you like me to stay here?” She nods vigorously andI am glued to her side for the next two hours. She was a trooper and now has a beautifully clean smile!

3 Febrero 2011

My blunt, headstrong, taurus nature is not something to be messed with. Perhaps that is why the first sloppy kiss I got in Peru was from the family bull after a hard day’s work, he and I have a connection, I am telling you.

Peace Corps training beat that out of me a bit. Over and over they remind us that we are THE representation of Americans to hundreds of people here. A political figure, with every action observed and gossiped about. We are on the job 24 hours a day 7 days a week. The government’s pawn in an international, beautiful project. We are taught to bite our tongue, not share our personal opinions often, and do things that make ourselves uncomfortable so the people we are serving feel content. I have learned to smile and nod better than I ever have in my life. And, for this, I do believe that I have acculturated extremely well into my community, and have been invited to more and learned more than I ever could have wished already. However, what Libby calls that “firecracker” in me is being stifled. This exploding half lovely half craziness is being dulled. As I asphyxiate myself a little to better my work in my full time job here I have begun to apply that to my personal life and my conversations with Americans and Peuvian peers. Slowly, I have become this smiling, agreeable, genial, sociable, compliant, consenting, twit. That is being read as a weakness and I am being treated as such. In my attempt to make everyone around me comfortable, they can not see why I deserve the respect I am used to receiving.

Forefront in my mind now: balance it.

I must find the equipoise between being uncomfortable and being demanding. There are times when I am handed food where I just need to eat it no matter how horrible the flavor. Other times, it really is best to turn away the poorly treated, home made, fermented corn blah that is going to make me sick the entire next day. You have no idea how hard it is to say no to a Peruvian woman offering you food.

2 Febrero 2011

They say that Peace Corps is riddled with life changing realizations.

Some you can predict: cold showers are something you will just never get used to, or that you really aren’t as tough as you thought you were.

Some are less predicable: like, who knew I have a strong distaste for alfalfa? Or, that I really am content alone for hours in a room with nothing but a book and my gohonzon, I don’t need tobe going a thousand miles an hour all the time.

I had a life-changing realization this week that brought me to tears more than once.

It was the first time in service that giving up floated through my mind, and it wasn’t because I didn’t think I could do it, it was because my hands were tied.

When I set out to climb an impossible mountain, I set my goal for the top. Even if I am told that I can only make it to 5,000 feet on this particular mountain, I set my eyes for the peak. Then, if I have to stop at 7,000 feet I am satisfied. I know I did the best that could be done. Even if I have to stop at 5,000 I know I have my all. I need to be sure to surround myself with people who function this way.

If I am working with someone who knows that only 5,000 feet can be reached, and doesn’t want to not enjoy themself and sets the goal for 4,000 feet I am probably going to have a nervous breakdown. It is only one climb, one week that you will remember forever. I say give it your all, endanger yourself a little bit for the beauty of the story and the richness of the experience. Especially, if you are doing good for the mountain on your journey.

Life changing realization: make sure you are volunteering with people who aim for the top, even when they know it might not be possible. It isn’t that I don’t respect those who take care of themselves, that truly is the smart thing to do. It just isn’t really me. Even though it is stupid, and me breaking my own back 5 years ago is proof of that, it is who I am, who I forever want to be, and how I accomplish the biggest successes in my life.

There have been multiple points in my life when my naivety and optimism have been put on trial. And each time, I refuse to become bitter. I grab a tighter hold of the impossible. I am going to keep my grasp firm as long as I possibly can. I have the utmost respect for those who protect themselves and those around them, I need them around me to keep me healthy every once in a while. But don’t you dare try to keep me down when I am up.

Especially don't mess with me when I am teaching

1 February 2011

Today I felt a flush of emotions as I watched the dentists make decisions.

In a situation like this, when you have more need than you can possibly handle there is a choice each doctor must make: Do you provide a triage-like service by curing what is the worst in each mouth and calling in the next patient quickly? Or, do you spend time on each mouth until it is perfectly clean and beautiful to the best of your ability?

There were both kinds of dentist in this campaign. I left the day deep in thought wondering which direction I would lead if I were a dentist. (long stretch, I know)

I found myself leaning towards working in each mouth until it is as clean as I can get it. Mainly because we are here in this particular campaign because these people don’t have access to dentistry. If we were to only perform triag, the patient would still need to seek out a dentist in the near future, something they can’t afford and probably wont do. So, in essence I wouldn’t feel like I had been any help at all, only prolonging the inevitable. But, producing as clean a mouth as possible might help them avoid seeing another dentist for years if they are taught how to keep their teeth clean.

But… what do I know. I am no dentist.

What I do know is that this campaign lacks sustainability. I need to meet with one of the directors of HBI tomorrow to express my concerns for it's lack of attention to the huge educational need here. If we 1) teach the people here how to keep their mouths clean, we won't need as grandiose dental campaigns and people can keep their teeth 2) in the meantime, we need to make campaigns cyclical so they happen more often and all those who need to be attended to are.

31 Enero 2011

After an entire night of nervous tossing and turning I finally just got up at 4 and began getting myself around for the first day of the dental campaign.

You might be asking what it is that I had to do with this dental campaign considering the fact that I am not up on dental at all.

I community organized.

HBI brought the dentists and the funding (woot woot!).

Quechua Benefit and HBI helped get the permissions from a National and State level (the brains and experience behind the campaign planning).

Peace Corps (yours truly) pushed the local permissions through so we could use the space in each pueblo’s health post with municipal support. I helped Quechua Benefit decide where to go based on community interest, need and accessibility. QB and I also got vans and housing donated for the dentists, then advertised like crazy.

It was quite an experience for me, because my now good friend, Alejandro, from Quechua Benefit taught me a ton about the system and how to build a campaign, with all the permissions you need, from scratch. And because I live in the canyon, I was the body that followed up in person with each nurse living in the health posts (at least twice, most locations three times).

In some towns the nurses were extremely excited about helping us and making the space provided for us accessible. Others, didn’t want the responsibility and weren’t quite so easy to work with.

We chose to begin the week with the towns farthest from the central city and work inward for a handful or reasons (eg. smaller populations that would be easier to start with, and if transportation is impossible due to the rains we can go to a closer town and travel to the ones farther away later in the week, etc.). But, we also took on the challenge that we wanted to go to towns that had never been serviced before. Usually, the citizens of the pueblos need to travel 1-4 hours by car, donkey, or foot to see a dentist. Our goal was to bring the dentists to them. Now, the reason there haven’t been medical campaigns in these towns is not only because of the long travel time, complete lack of resources like electricity and water, or because the people have so much need you couldn’t possibly help them all. It is because for some weird combination of reasons getting the paperwork to go through for the permissions or getting nurses to cooperate was a particular challenge. We wanted to serve these most under serviced areas with the biggest challenges and HBI gave us their blessing.

Our goal was successful. We did have to have one site change due to a complete lack of a nurse at all in one of the health posts on all three of my visits. But, we switched to a site that still has a huge need.

Our housing was donated by a Spanish governmental organization like Peace Corps (but not at all like Peace Corps) that has a little commune in Chivay. Four dentists, one hygenist, three assistants, and three coordinators/translators arrived in Chivay last night. The dental team brought everything with them from scrubs, to drills, to a generator, to water bottles. They even had foldable dentist chairs. All of this was organized by the dentists themselves and HBI. I have to say the equipment van was a pretty one even though the dentists still felt a huge empty space when it came to the advanced equipment they are used to in The States.

At 5:30am we all piled into the passenger van donated for the week by Medical Ministaries International. After a bumpy 2 hour ride we landed in the small village of Pinchollo. My stomach ached because no one was answering my cell phone calls to the health post. I worried (almost as much as my grandmother worries about me) that the nurse wouldn’t be there to open the doors for us and we would be left to serve the population on the dirt street.

But, she was there. Not overly compassionate or helpful, but she opened the doors and smiled when I remembered her name. She was my biggest challenge of all the sites we traveled to. In my first visit to her post I presented the campaign to her in detail, this was after QB and I had secured all the permissions from her superior. After explaining the details for about half an hour and feeling that the conversation was wrapping up she said, “It sounds fine, but I can’t confirm I will be here to open the doors for you that day. I have other priorities.” I about head butted the woman. I put a smile on my face and made an effort to kiss her butt, then wrote down her name and made sure to remember it the day we arrived. I got just the smile I wanted. She was very patient to watch us take over their space.

About 40 patients later they had performed a handful of extractions, fillings, and cleanings. The dentists had a car stall on their way back to Chivay, but I was in the equipment van scaling the muddy rain-ridden canyon to Madrigal to secure the space for the following day. As the dentists were pushing the van on one side of the canyon, Hubert, our driver, and I were waiting for the river to lower so we could cross in the van. Everyone arrived safely back in our bunks in Chivay about 4 hours later. Exciting start to the week!