I went back and read my journal from this time last year. I
love skipping though my journals January 2010, January 2011, January 2012 (it
goes back ten years!). It is always interesting for me to see how I became the
young woman I am.
January 2010 I had received my Peace Corps acceptance and
was anxiously awaiting my assignment. Not knowing in what country I would spend
the next two years of my life.
I was taking the lightest course load of my life: African
American History 2, The History of Latin American Communities and Cultures (in
Spanish), Complimentary and Alternative Medicine provided by the Pharmacy
Department taught one floor above my most challenging class: Behavioral
Neuroscience. I was working three mornings a week in Echols’ lab (child
language development), two mornings a week in the Meston Lab (women’s
sexuality), one afternoon a week volunteer mentoring, 4 days a week tutoring or
aiding Sarah, and weekends waiting table at Sushi Zushi.
What I was discovering at the time: What my specific
interests are within psychology. What I am capable of.
Today’s reflexion: To be honest, it is hard to imagine that
woman surviving that. Especially when I can just sit down now and read a book
for 10 hours straight if I want.
January 2011 Already finished training and was serving in
Peace Corps Peru. I had just finished organizing and helping run a dental
campaign here in the colca canyon. I was just stepping into the teacher
workshops and grant applications that would feed into my “baby”; the VALE
program, that I was just finishing writing the curriculum of at that time. I
was learning the things to be sure to focus on, and how to work within my
assigned community. I was happy. Very happy. Very proud. Excited. Naïve.
What I was discovering at that time: What my specific
interests are within the work force. What I am capable of.
Today’s reflection: I seemed so happy at that time. My
excitement and love for the world allowed the challenges of everyday life here
to roll off my back.
January 2012 I have just finished running the VALE program,
and installing the “starter kit” for the Madrigal library. I have accomplished
so many life goals at this point. Not only have I successfully been accepted
into the Peace Corps, but technically I have accomplished that big goal that I
set for myself while walking to Chacrasana from Chaclacayo during training by
Libby’s side. That idea ,World-Community-Self, that I was sure could help a
community help itself from the roots up, now has.
What I am discovering at this time: What my specific
interests are with my lifestyle. What I am capable of.
January 2013 I will be in the middle of a course preparing
me to take the GRE and apply or grad schools while working a great job in
Europe?
January 2013 I will have just finished graduate school
essays and applications and will be waiting to hear where I am going?
January 2013 I will be bouncing around doing some more
traveling and spending time with family and friends before I tie myself down to
another 2-4year program (grad school)?
It is funny, when I look back I see someone very happy and
motivated and constantly moving forward. But, I know, in the moment, I did not
feel that way all the time. Just as I feel deep fear and excitement all at once
right now for the months to come, I know I did then as well.
What must have been in my head:
2010“You can’t survive outside the dance world. Throw
yourself into your studies and your future in psychology. Overflow your mind
with good, interesting work so you don’t think about that past.”
“cook yourself a delicious dinner with good wine, good
conversation, and good friends to relax and have a good time”
2011“Do you really think you can live in a little mud hut
somewhere and be happy and do good work? Throw yourself into projects and good
work to make yourself feel good and productive in your service.”
“cook yourself a delicious dinner with good wine, good
conversation, and good friends to relax and have a good time”
2012 “Do you know how to ‘take a year off’ to figure out
your next step? Throw yourself into an interesting and new job, study for GREs
and entrance exams, and fill out grad school applications all at the same time
in yet another strange country.”
All I can say is:
“cook yourself a delicious dinner with good wine, good
conversation, and good friends to relax and have a good time”
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