This past weekend I met an amazing couple living right now,
to travel around South America.
An extremely spiritual and educated pair, they spent time
rafting in the jungle and 11/11/11 in the mystical mountains of Machu Picchu.
On a 4 hour bus ride they caught me up on American politics,
to which I slobbered up every bite. But, what they probably don’t know, is that
they got me back in touch with spirituality and Buddhism. He had lived in India
at a few ashrams and is a medical masseur. They reinvigorated me to keep in
touch with the asian philosophies that have nourished me in my past and planted
the seed of moving to an ashram.
Joan Halifax spoke in TED talks last year on compassion and
the true meaning of empathy. She has spent much of her life doing what I have
been up to lately and bringing health access to remote populations of the
world. With an obvious strong Buddhist history she mentions the architype
avalokiteshvara of kuan yin (or padmapani or guanshiyin or guanyin)- ‘she who
receives the prize of suffering in the world’. Joan explains, “she stands with
10 thousand arms and in every hand there is an instrument of liberation, and in
the palm of every hand there are eyes, and these are the eyes of wisdom.” I
can’t help but feel a connection with this archetype, and a longing to
strengthen my relationship with her.
When Youth Development had a one-year training a few months
ago, one of my best Peace Corps friends said to me, “You seem so angry.” To
which I responded, “Right now, I am OK with being angry. I don’t want to
pretend that the things I am seeing don’t rip at my core and infuriate me.
Right now, I am in a period where I am feeling that sadness and anger and
allowing it to give me fuel for my work.”. Which was true at the time, and as
all loving friends do, she took that as an answer and supported me even though
I don’t think she felt in complete agreement. (Thank you Libby)
They say that avalokiteshara was trying to solve the
suffering in the world, and when he/she couldn’t and looked upon the sadness
his/her head exploded into a thousand pieces that his/her guru pieced into 1000
arms. Kuan yin’s anger and frustration gave him/her more ability to help.
However, now, with the completion of my service on the
distant horizon, I feel a softening. A longing to no longer be frustrated with
this culture and how they don’t help themselves, but a reimposition of true
compassion that I had more of a grasp on when I first moved here.
Equanimity. This is my goal. And not an artificial calm that
is grinding your teeth through as smile, but, an understanding strong enough to
not even allow the fire to be stoked.
Lost in the Trees
All Alone in an Empty House
For Leah and Chloe
“Pain’s made me who I am
but I want your pity please
I’ve learned more than I could share
I heal my heart on a walk in the dark
On a walk in the dark
Love’s made me who I am
Don’t be afraid you’d hurt me
I’m stronger than you think
I heal my heart
Let it glow in the dark
Let it glow in the dark
And through this life I’ve learned to love what I’ve become
I’ve learned to love what I’ve become
What I’ve become”
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