big deal?!
something special about the peace corps experience is that you "learn to be alone but not lonely... to sit with yourself." -Peace Corps Peru Country Director Sanjay Mathur
some thoughts scrolling through my head today...
'am i harsh on peace corps as an organization because i love it so much? in the history of me, i am harsh on that which i love, because i love them. similarly i am harsh on myself.'
'how can anyone expect me to be able to make this decision about what happens with the Madrigal library? It has such a profound effect on the community, no wonder i feel stress spilling out my ears.'
'i made a mistake. when i told the municipality that they needed to hire a professional to teach the program, that was a mistake. they do need a professional to teach the program. and they do have to pay a high salary to get a professional. but, that is a HUGE step for such a small community so afraid of change. We need to hire a local. for less. that will do the best they can. that person can teach the program, or not. the most important thing is that the community is paying the person (it is their program, not an NGO's), the money is staying within the community, and that person can open the doors to the library. at the very least, the children, youth, mothers, etc will have ACCESS TO INFORMATION. books. encyclopedias. art supplies. even if there is no one teaching incredible activities, at the least, they have access to the information and the tools if they possess the creativity. baby steps. and this is the first one."
moments after this thought passed through my head, myrium came by to tell me the same, exact thing and hand over THE MADRIGAL BUDGET! She got her hands on it, and the Madrigal Municiple Library is included in the budget. Documented.
"it is in the hands of the community now. You will give them all the contracts and paperwork, and they have to fight for it now. I know how hard that is, but it has to come from them."
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One of the members of our panel of speakers today was G. Michael Junge of USAID. He is the Regional Contracting Officer, meaning he signs all the contracts for the money that US sends to development projects here. An incredibly impressive man: worked on refugee camp in Afghanistan and has served in peace corps mali, togo, eritrea, chad, and bujumbura. I was full of questions for him:
i am not going to put this in quotes, the conversation went something like this...
--I have been here for 2 years and I am tired. I know I want to keep doing development work, but I am very effected by what I see. It eats at me. My question for you is how do you keep going back year after year? After seeing so much pain and suffering, what are the methods you use or have seen to cope and keep giving?
You have to separate your professional life from your personal one. You make spaces and times that are specific to work, and when you leave them, no work allowed. Make sure you have hobbies, things you can focus on when you are not working, that are just for you. You leave at 5pm, you don't stay late, that is you time.
So, you have seen NGO workers, for example, stay late every day, and burn out quickly?
Yes. In only a couple years. But, I leave at 5pm every day, and I can do this work for 30 years.--
It is something to ponder. I have always had this superwoman complex. I can do anything I really want to. I want to be able to work past 5 every day, and do it for 30 years.
Later, i asked our trainer Kathleen Hickey a similar question (Kathleen has designed the Peace Corps Peru training program for years).
--you are always so optimistic. you have years and years of not only working in a country that is so challenging, but you have done it while working under the bureaucratic bull shit of the us government. how do you keep doing it year after year and not feel overwhelmingly frustrated?
"better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
"artesana", she says--
'artesana' means female artist
but broken apart:
'arte' means art
'sana' means healthy
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