15 Agosto 2011

“ Silence embraced stuns with its presence, it’s pregnant reality. A reality that does not negate reason and argument, but puts them in their place.” –Krista Tippet

Rilka’s advice to a young poet, “To have patience with everything unresolved in your heart; and, to try to love the questions themselves, as if they were locked rooms, or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them, and the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

While waiting in line for the ATM yesterday in the city, the woman of a couple ahead of me asked if I live in Arequipa. I was shopping in the market part of town where you rarely to never find tourists, and my white skin gave me away. I explained that I actually lived in the colca canyon, more of a shock. These conversations happen all the time and are followed by an explanation of what Peace Corps is, and what I do. I explained that I studied psychology, interrupting, she grabbed my wrist and asked if she could talk to me about her son. I resisted and explained that I am not a licensed psychologist, but she insisted even a little advice would help and fell into her “problem”. Her husband joined in as they both explained that they had paid for their son to go to college but he had decided to drop out because school wasn’t for him and the parents didn’t know what to do. Repeating that I don’t know him or the situation, I recommended they let him explore a little. Perhaps he needs to travel,

“Has he ever been outside Arequipa City? “

“No,” the father says, “She doesn’t let the boys out of her grasp”

the wife shrugs

scared to death to make this recommendation I said, “If he never trips and falls, how will he ever know to watch his step?”

Then I went into something about how university isn’t for everyone.

“I bet he is creative, isn’t he? Does do art or make music?”

Both parents eyes grew wide as they explained that the husband is a musician and the son aspires to do the same, but the parents didn’t want their son to have to struggle financially like the father did.

Wincing at the effect my words might have, I explained the need, between the ages of 18 and 27 to self explore. How time alone, making your own decisions, builds self-esteem and self-knowledge. I recommended they give him that opportunity, and perhaps find a local psychologist they can talk to together.

The debate for this period of development continues in the world of psychology, unrightfully in my opinion. I believe I have written about this before, but there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that the period of development in the early twenties is necessary to grow into healthy mental adulthood. Some psychologist argue that this stage cannot be official because it isn’t cross-cultural. Lower income human beings all over the world do not have the opportunity to travel and self-discover, they jump right into pregnancies and the responsibilities of maintaining families: adulthood. Other psychologists and myself argue that yes their bodies grow-up, but the mind never stabilizes and matures. It is necessary for the mind to have time to explore in order to better know the self. You can see individuals that never have that opportunity try to create it for themselves as adults, even in western culture. This is why programs like Teach for America, AmeriCorps and the Peace Corps are so important and necessary.

I am infinitely thankful for my opportunity to be here. Although it might have filled me with more questions to live out, it has also filled me with more possibility and self-efficacy. I can only hope that everyone is given and takes advantage of the same opportunities when presented to them.