28 Marzo 2011

I am a little tired of censoring my blog entries so not to upset anyone. I have my mother's permission to share some of her thoughts she shared with me, and I am not going to sensor my own.

If you have are delicate or hyper sensitive you should probably stop reading.

If you are delicate or hyper sensitive and you continue to read, good for you. I just don't want to hear your comments.

I wrote this 27 Octubre 2010

Some quotes.

Not my words.

Just some quotes that have gotten me thinking.

“To move close to god is to move close to everything that human beings have ever experienced. That of course includes a lot of suffering as well as a lot of joy.”

“The closer you get to the light, the closer you also get to the darkness.”

Words from a radio interview:

“The prophet Jeremiah: ‘To care for the poor and needy; is that not what it means to know me?’ - “It’s not just that caring for the needy acquaints you with god, but caring for the needy is god.” – I experience something like that and it is the deepest way that I can imagine to live.

Yet, let’s talk about the limits of charity. “[The work of giving money as charity work. I do justice work. The two are distinct.] My understanding of the difference is that within the Christian tradition there is a mandate that we give charity and work for justice. Basically we give charity for ourselves. Because it is the right thing to do for our own spiritual health. We are in control of charity, we decide where it goes and who gets it. Often we decide what people have to do with our charity. We are the ones on top, they are the ones on the bottom. There are a whole host of problems associated with charity. I don’t criticize charity, it is something we should do, but it is different from justice. Justice is working to change the structures so that the charity becomes less necessary.”

Writing checks and sending clothes is needed and good, but my mother and I have to live for the justice.

“The third leg is real relationships. Without any real relationships you don’t have any good idea about how to change the structures [to create justice].”

I talk often about not being able to connect with many of the other volunteers serving here in Peru. And it was funny to me who I ended up becoming close to, each of them so different from my friends back home, and each of them so distinct from one another. I kept writing in my journal, “somehow, we get each other. We have the same sense. We are here for the same reasons.” And now I have tied this idea of justice to these friendships I have with other volunteers. It is more than a longing to be a part of the infamous Peace Corps and wanting to be a part of the change in the system. We can’t be anything but this. We are unable to function without this work; justice is a reason for our existence.

It is funny, my new relationship with this word justice. I always viewed it as a form of revenge or punishment, neither of which I agree with. But today, for the first time, I have seen it through my mother’s eyes. A balance.

Another thought from the interview.

“Once when I was young I came home after school and baked a cake for my mom for dinner… … I pulled down a box of cake mix, and after I emptied the cake mix into the bowl I saw that the recipe called for eggs, and we were out. I remembered the stories my family would tell about growing up in the rural segregated south. Though Jim Crow Black suffered severe institutional depression, their communities were strong. Neighbors were always helping each other out. People would come over and ask for a cup of sugar or a loaf of bread and if you had it you gave it. So that day, I went across the street to Miss Jesse, our retired neighbor, I got my two eggs and finished baking the cake. When my mother arrived I presented her with the cake and proudly recounted all my efforts and resourcefulness. But the glow from her face quickly faded when I got the to part about borrowing the eggs. She called my father into the kitchen and together they scolded me about going around the neighborhood begging for food. It appears that in today’s culture strong communities are those where estranged neighbors live on islands with no needs for one another. Where sharing is not a practice of healthy community building, but an act of last resort for the desperate and destitute. In October 2008 when the market began to collapse, I secretly hoped that the crash would be so complete that our middle class pretenses would fall. Instead what I see is a president, congress, and market place eager to maintain the status quo. But they are just taking their marching orders from us, the American people. It seems we are still willing to do anything to keep from knocking on our neighbor’s door to ask for eggs.”

I LOVE this story. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my country with all my heart and appreicate so much the opportunities and security it has given me. But, I thought I was the only person that actually, sillily and secretly hoped the market would crash just a little harder. I wanted the people on top to feel life, just a little bit more. I wanted the citizens of the country I love to see that they can live on less and still be happy. I can’t say everything is good about their lives, but those who I surround myself with now really, truly, are happy for the most part and we don t just live on less, but we actually live on just about nothing. In this community, if somehow you come to have, you share. It is beautiful. I often hear acquaintances and Americans on radio interview say, I couldn’t live like people in the third world do. But, the truth is you are a beautiful and strong people. Yes, you can. You have just never had the opportunity to try.