Like, lost it, completely.
I assumed I left it at home, and took some money out of my American account to cover me for the day. Of course, I had saved money the last two weeks so I could buy some new tennis shoes (mine are completely and utterly destroyed-in Sunday's soccer game with the kids I actually injured my foot because my shoes). I bought new off-brand shoes and with 20 s/. in my pocket came back to my room in Arequipa to find that the money I thought would be waiting for me wasn't there. I don't know what happened to it. I am so mad at myself and the pickle I have put myself into after hoarding and saving this month to buy tennis shoes and the supplies to build the family chicken coop. Would have been a lot easer if I had lost the money before I bought two luxuries!
Now, I am hoping mom and dad will save the day. What a child I am.
I was thinking about feeling so worthless as my friend and I went through my packpack and the pockets of every pair of pants I have here with me. In The States, when I am not making enough money to feel secure, I change jobs, or pick up a second. Perhaps this is part of the whole Peace Corps experience or something. Knowing how it feels to not have. I mean, really know (my present case) feel it. Like, to not have enough money to buy a bus ticket to get yourself to work tomorrow. That feeling of knowing you need to let your boyfriend's mother cook you dinner because she knows you don't have the money to buy dinner yourself. That feeling of walking up to a cash register to pay for a bottle of water, reaching into your pocket, counting your "pennies" and realizing you actually don't have enough. That realization that your money will not outweigh your thirst is crippling. All of it is not only embarrassing, but it makes you feel utterly and completely worthless. I just want to crawl into a hole and not come up until it starts raining cash.
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